God’s grace is something that is difficult to fathom, and lately I haven’t been feeling worthy of receiving it. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, and my sole purpose is to lead a life that is pleasing to God. So, when more often than not, I fall short of the mark, I beat myself up over it. I would love to sit here and tell you that everything is “squeaky clean,” my past is immaculate, and my walk with God is on point. But truth be told, that is not the case. I’ve done my dirt and made more than my fair share of mistakes. Hindsight, I’m ashamed and embarrassed of choices that I’ve made and realize how undeserving I am of Gods love. Discouraged, I find myself begging the question: how can God ever use me with all of my flaws and imperfections?

Recently, I received what I think is the answer to this question. I had a chance to sit down and spend some time with my great-uncle Dick, and he shared something that really stuck out and resonated with me. He said, “God doesn’t go by ability, He goes by availability.” In hearing this I realized, I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to make myself available. That is not to be misconstrued for the justification of sin, but rather to make the point that God can and does use imperfect people. The apostle Paul says that we are dead to sin and we should no longer live in it just so that grace may abound (Romans 6). Therefore, we should never become complacent with our shortcomings, but we also shouldn’t allow them to dictate our lives. Look at Paul—self-proclaimed worst sinner—who became one of the Bible’s greatest leaders because he didn’t allow his broken past to hinder him from receiving the hope filled future that God had in store for him. Truth be told, when we are left to our own devices, we are not capable of accomplishing anything for God, but by surrendering to His call we become instrumental because it is His power working through us. So, the question of our inadequacy is a tactic that the enemy uses; he puts this question in our ear to breed doubt into our lives. If we don’t believe that God can use us then it hinders us from allowing Him to, and we are less likely to be receptive to His voice.

The story of the potter and the clay is one of my favorite stories in the bible because it exemplifies how God offers redemption amidst our imperfections (Jeremiah 18:1-11). In this passage, God spoke to the prophet Jeremiah and told him to go down to the potter’s house where he would receive a message from the Lord that he was to share with the men of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem. When he got there, he saw the potter making something at the wheel. Jeremiah noticed that the vessel that was made of clay had been marred and damaged in the potter’s hands; yet, instead of throwing it away, he made it into another vessel as it seemed good to the potter to make. The Lord then spoke to Jeremiah saying, “‘O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?’[…] ‘Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel!’” It is so encouraging to know that we are in God’s hands and that He doesn’t write us off or throw us out because of our imperfections; He looks at us and sees possibility, and if we turn from our crooked ways and yield to Him, He will shape and mold us into the men and women He wants us to be. The book, Every Life is A Plan of God, written by J. Oswald Sanders touches on this same story and alludes to this with a poem.

“Marred in the making, but with wondrous patience
 Takes He the clay 
Into His hands, and fashions slowly 
In His own way.
Just what I was the world can only see—
He looks beyond and sees what I can be.”

Sanders’ point is that irrespective of past failure, if we surrender to God, He can and will still use us.

1 Corinthians 1:26-31 says, “For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption—that, as it is written, ‘He who glories, let him glory in the lord.’” My mom once said, “God loves to use the weak things of this world to confound the wise. God’s foolishness is greater than the wisdom of the world. So, never doubt that God can use you, no matter how small or inadequate you may feel. He delights in using earthen vessels to contain His glory.”

We all come from different walks of life, and we all have our flaws and imperfections. Fortunately, we have a God who is in the business of restoration, like a craftsman who can take an old hunk of rusty corroded metal and see past the rough exterior to the potential that it has to become something beautiful. With a little cultivation, He can take what was broken and overlooked and restore it to its working condition, giving it value, worth, and purpose so it can be of use again. This is the God we have—a God who offers beauty for ashes!

Being my first official blog post, I figured it would only be fitting to share my heart behind stepping out into this music. Recently, I found my self at a place in life where I didn’t have a very clear sense of direction. With a beckoning that refused to be ignored, I had these passions and desires that were tugging at my heart. I knew that I had a heart for at-risk youth, and I knew that I had a passion for music. But what could I do with that? What was God calling me to do?

This left me with the age-old question. How do I discern what God’s plan is for my life? For some this might not be a stressful task, but I’m the guy who stands in the candy-bar aisle for 15min unable to decide whether I want a 5th Avenue or a Nutrageous. If I struggle with making such trivial decisions, then you can imagine my dilemma when it came to making more important ones.  To say the least, decisiveness is not my forte. I wanted clear direction from God. Wouldn’t life be so much easier If God acted as our own personal Siri and responded to our questions on command? Yet, that is not how it works, and after much prayer, I still lacked clarity and felt confused as to what to do.

Around this time, the Parable of the Talents kept being randomly brought to my attention(Matthew 25:14-30). Perhaps God was trying to send me a message. For those who aren’t familiar with the parable, it is essentially about a man who distributes talents to 3 of his servants according to their ability before he leaves on a journey. After a long time away, the Lord of the servants came back to settle accounts with them and to see how they had used what they were given. Two of the servants were good stewards and were faithful with what they were given and one of the servants hid his talent and did nothing with it.  The two servants who were faithful with what they were given were considered good and their lord was well pleased, but the servant that did not utilize what he was given was considered wicked and lazy. When I read this, I felt so convicted because I realized that the lazy servant was me. I was allowing my uncertainty to immobilize and cripple me from moving forward. Although I wasn’t exactly sure what it would look like to bring some of these ideas to fruition, I knew it was time to do something.

I decided it was time to seek counsel and get advice. So I called Matt, a mentor of mine, to discuss some of this over lunch. After sharing my dilemma, I received a pivotal piece of advice that was so simple, yet so profound. Matt said, “It is easier for God to steer a moving ship than one that is docked. Keep that ‘ship’ moving towards God and allow him to make course corrections along the way. That’s what life is all about.” Hearing this was so freeing and it changed my entire perspective on discerning Gods direction for our lives. This whole time, I had been apprehensive to move forward because I didn’t want to make a wrong decision. I was waiting for directions or some kind of guidance to show up at my doorstep, not realizing that my inaction was actually an action. I was being the lazy servant. God doesn’t want us to be paralyzed by fear; He wants us to move forward in confidence trusting that He will meet us in our faith. Later, it dawned on me that the master in the parable didn’t tell the servants what to do with the talents they had been given, he just wanted to see that they were faithful and good stewards with what they had. This got me thinking that maybe that is how it is with God. Maybe there isn’t a step-by-step tutorial on how to use our gifts. Maybe He just wants us to work diligently and to be good stewards for the furthering of his Kingdom by utilizing the talents, stories, characteristics, abilities, and passions He has blessed us with. Maybe along the way, He will show us where we need to be.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” If I can be completely honest, I still don’t know exactly what God’s plan is for my life or what will transpire from any of this, but I believe God gives us certain talents and passions for a reason so I am stepping out in faith trusting that He will direct my path along the way.  I want to be a good steward of whatever gifts I may have, whether that is my past experiences, my passion for working with at-risk youth, or this music. When it’s all said and done, I want to know I used every bit of talent I had for God’s glory so when my Lord returns I might hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.”